she was so not down for the gang bang
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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