I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize