I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I am spending my child support on dildos
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She told me I should be a condom model.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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