someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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