We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
