We're facebook friends in real life
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
