Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
