Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Still dying that you shit outside
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
