I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
