So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize