At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish ðŸ€
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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