We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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