I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
