Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
