I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
