eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize