dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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