She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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