She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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