I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
