He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
