dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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