I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
