His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
