My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
