A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
