so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
