see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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