PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
