And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
do herpes really smell.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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