I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
