We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
