nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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