the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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