we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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