I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
