i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
