my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
