last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
