Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so explain again why im purple
no
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
