I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
