her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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