official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
