Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
