my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
