he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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