How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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