u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
