First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
