Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
