listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
