There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
