tell your sister to shave her snatch
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
