I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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