dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
