He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
