It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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