Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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