I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just pee around me
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
