I'm going to jail i love you
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize