what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
