Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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