I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
