u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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