Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
