words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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