she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
