hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
