Can Purell be used as lube?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize