you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
not ubering you a puppy
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
