So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
