Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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